Anti-Yelling Tips for Parents

Dos and Don'ts of Yelling

How difficult it is not to yell at kids after you've told them for the 20th time to clean their room, or when they've finger painted all over the kitchen wall, or taken the car without asking.

But let's think for a minute: Do you yell at a bumbling coworker? Do you yell at your child's teacher when you think she's being unfair? Not usually. So why do we feel its okay to yell at our kids?

Changing this cultural view means recognizing that yelling at your kids is just as wrong as yelling at your office mates.
So parents understand that yelling at your kids isn't a good idea.

that parents should never shout as a means to correct or control misbehavior (everyone agrees raising your voice is okay to get the attention of a child who is about to do something dangerous).

Sometimes there is that rare occasion when yelling catches a child's attention in a way that polite discussion does not. But by yelling we mean raised voice, not demeaning language. No insulting and degrading kids!

Remember about the content of you are saying and how it can be perceived by the child. Never say to you child that he is worthless and can't do simple things. By this you attack a child's core values, his self-esteem, with statements like "I don't love you anymore" or "I wish I'd never had you" that is when the damage occurs.

Short-Term Solutions, Long-Term Problems

The problem is, the same anger and frustration that fueled the old model of corporal punishment didn't magically vanish merely because a generation of well-meaning parents wanted it to. Instead of letting anger lead to hitting, it now often leads to shouting. But that simple act of raising our voice, depending on what we say and how often we do it, can hold the potential for long-term harm.

To be sure, raised voices are a normal part of many households. Yelling for a child who is outdoors or three rooms away probably isn't going to cause any lasting damage. Shouting at a child who is about to do something dangerous may be startling, but it's not intended to be harmful - just the opposite. And if a family is naturally loud and gregarious, shouting may almost be the norm.

In those moments, some parents can lose control and while they may not strike out physically, the words they throw at the child - especially if those words include insults or threats -- can cause lasting harm.

Actions Speak Louder

Although there are short-term tricks to keep from yelling, parents need to address the problem with a long-term solution, she says. That means creating a support network, formal or informal, that you can turn to when your frustration builds. It could be a neighbor who agrees to take your kids for a couple of hours when you've used up your last drop of patience, or a formal support network like Parents Anonymous. Even having a group of friends with children the same age makes a big difference, because you can compare notes and share advice.

Let's consider the small children - if you know your 1-year-old is going to put things in his mouth, you can't yell at him, because that's how she's learning about the world or if you know that a 2-year-old is going to touch everything, get the breakable bowl off the table instead of constantly yelling at him to leave it alone.

Also keep in mind that yelling at kids is ubiquitous, cutting across all cultures to varying degree.

9 Anti-Yelling Tip

Here are some other strategies that parents use when they feel the screaming begin to bubble up.