Baby: Dads and breastfeeding

Dads do need to be a part of the experience, but the physical act of placing food into the baby's mouth is not an essential part of the daddy/baby relationship. Dad can sit with mom and baby during feedings, making eye contact with baby, stroking baby's skin, talking softly to baby, etc. And if the family chooses to supplement with bottles of expressed breastmilk, dad can give baby a bottle very soon, and dad can feed baby cereal and baby food within a few more months.

And a dad's support can be essential to a new nursing mom.

So, each couple must reach their own compromises in dealing with their intimate relationship while baby is nursing.

The advantages of breastfeeding

• Breastfeeding requires no preparation, no heating, no bottles or dishes you have to wash.

• It's free - and formula isn't cheap.

• Breast milk never runs out and you never have to deal with leftovers.

• Breastfeeding is good for your partner (for a mother of a baby), giving her a chance to bond with the baby.

• Breastfeeding is good for your baby. Breast milk contains the perfect blend of nutrients. As commonly known
breastfed babies have a much lower tendency than formula-fed babies do to develop food allergies and respiratory and gastrointestinal illnesses, and they are less likely to become obese as adults. Breast milk also can transmit the mother's immunity to certain diseases.

• Breastfed babies' nappies don't smell as bad. Breastfed babies produce movements that smell almost sweet, especially when compared to the poo produced by formula-fed babies.

Coping with feelings of inadequacy

New breastfeeding-spectator fathers may experience some or all of the following:

• Worry that he'll have a harder time bonding and developing a relationship with his child.

• Resentment towards the baby who has "come between" him and his partner.

• A sense of inadequacy, thinking that nothing he does for his child could ever compete with his partner's breasts.

• Relief when the baby is weaned because he'll finally have a chance to catch up.

• A belief that because women can breastfeed, they somehow possess knowledge and skills that make them naturally better parents (while men just aren't cut out for the job).

Six strategies for participating in feeding

Caring parents consider feeding to be the most important aspect of caring for an infant. And there's no doubt that if your partner is breastfeeding, you're at a bit of a disadvantage in that respect. But just because woman got control of her breasts and the food that's in them doesn't mean man have no part to play. Man can get involved in the process in a number of ways and help make breastfeeding as pleasant an experience as possible for everyone:

• Spend plenty of time just being with your baby. Take him for walks in the pushchair, put him in a sling and go shopping, or do whatever you can think of to be together.

• Spend plenty of private time with your baby doing activities that involve skin-to-skin contact. Changing nappies, cuddling, putting the baby to sleep, bathing, and even just reading in a chair while the baby naps on your shirtless chest are all great relationship builders. They give you and the baby a chance to be alone together, and the more this happens, the more confident you will feel about your own abilities as a parent.

• Be supportive and thoughtful towards your partner. Take responsibility for chores that normally fall to her. Breastfeeding can be hard work at first. The current thinking among paediatricians is that women should try to breastfeed for at least a year. Interestingly, studies have shown that the more supportive their partners, the longer women breastfeed and the more confident they feel about their ability to do so.

• Discuss with your partner the possibility of giving your baby expressed breast milk from a bottle. But don't put pressure on her, as some women find expressing breastmilk (manually or with a pump) uncomfortable or even painful. If you both decide that this is a good idea, it is important to wait a few weeks before introducing a bottle so your baby will have a chance to get completely comfortable with feeding at the breast rather than experiencing nipple confusion.

• Please try not to take it personally if your baby seems less than interested in taking a bottle from you at first. Teats on bottles come in all shapes, sizes and textures, so you may have to do a little experimenting and be very patient before you and your baby discover the kind he likes best.

• Be patient if your partner seems less interested in sex than in pre-baby days. Imagine that someone has been crawling all over you and sucking on your breasts five or six times a day for 15 or 20 minutes at a time. You might be less than enthusiastic about sharing your body yet again at the end of the day. Your partner's breastfeeding may affect intercourse as well. Lactating women produce fewer of the ovarian hormones responsible for producing vaginal lubrication. Without that lubrication, lovemaking can be uncomfortable or even painful. So instead of thinking that your partner isn't aroused by you any more, stock up on a good water-based lubricant for when she is interested in sex.