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Parenting Siblings
So what are special difficulties are there in parenting siblings? Despite having genes in common, differences between siblings are the rule, not the exception. As their children grow up, parents are often surprised to discover how different each child is from the others. And while diversity and differences may be a source of pride for parents, they may also cause bewilderment and irritation. Differences between siblings can involve: • Temperament • Interests • Confidence • Resilience • Vulnerability • Social interactions • Sense of security • Achievement • Physical and mental health • Rate of physical and sexual maturation • Physical appearance Is it nature or nurture Two major factors that pressure your child's behaviour and other attributes are nature (genetic factors and heredity) and nurture (experience). Nature: Children have only about a 50-50 chance of developing any particular inborn trait from each parent (physical appearance, personality, intelligence, aptitudes, or health). And even when these traits are present, they can vary. Researchers found that siblings tend to be more similar in their physical characteristics than in their likelihood of developing the same diseases. Even in childhood, siblings with similar levels of intelligence may differ in their school success, since academic achievement can be strongly affected by the different life experiences of each child. While siblings may be similar to one another in their intellectual or psychological characteristics early in life, these similarities generally reduce by adulthood. Nurture: Nurture (or experience) refers to the nongenetic influences on your child's development. They include: • Relationships with siblings, peers, parents, or teachers • Social and cultural experiences • Illnesses or accidents • Nutrition • Self-perception • Self-expectations Siblings share some experiences but many others are unique, contributing to differences between children. As children grow, the number of experiences that they go through individually increases, gradually tell apart one sibling from another. While shared knowledge generally contributes toward similarities, even similar experiences may affect each child differently. Siblings can perceive and interpret shared events differently, and these different perceptions can be important in shaping a child's development and self-image. Issues of Parenting Siblings are meant to be more different than alike. Differences in age, gender, intelligence level, or physical ailments require different parenting. For instance, older children should get certain privileges, in part due to the greater level of responsibility they are expected to assume in the household. Younger children need special thoughtfulness because they are less independent. But parents face the varying needs and expectations of their children without being accused of favouritism. If you learn how to listen to and observe your children, you will be more aware of their different perceptions and needs, and you'll be better able to react successfully to each child and to the whole family. As you watch your children grow up, remember that their similarities or differences are not as essential as their general development. Make an effort to accept and respect the basic exclusivity of each of your children. Kids need to feel loved, trusted, competent, and respected for who they are, not for who they are in comparison with their siblings.
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