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Soothing a Fussy Baby
Very simply, babies fuss for the same reasons adults fuss: they hurt either physically or emotionally, or they need something. There is a wide spectrum of types of crying. At the quieter end is the baby who fusses to be picked up but is easily comforted and satisfied as long as he is held. At the other extreme is the baby who hurts - the inconsolably crying baby who merits the label "colicky." FUSSES TO FIT While in the womb, the preborn baby fits perfectly into his environment. Perhaps there will never be another home in which he fits so harmoniously - a free-floating environment where the temperature is constant and his nutritional needs are automatically and predictably met. The womb environment is well organized. These babies miss the womb. Birth suddenly disrupts this organization. During the month following birth, baby tries to regain his sense of organization and fit into life outside the womb. Birth and adaptation to postnatal life bring out the temperament of the baby, so for the first time he must do something to have his needs met. He is forced to act, to "behave." If hungry, cold, or startled, he cries. He must make an effort to get the things he needs from his caregiving environment. If his needs are simple and he can get what he wants easily, he's labeled an "easy baby"; if he does not adapt readily, he is labeled "difficult." He doesn't fit. Fussy babies are poor fitters, who don't resign themselves easily to the level of care they are being given. They need more, and they fuss to get it. WAYS TO SOOTHE A FUSSY BABY Babies fuss and parents comfort. That's a realistic fact of new family life. It helps to understand what calms a baby and why. Most calming techniques involve at least one of these four interactions:
Calming techniques (except visual ones) are like re-inventing the womb that baby has been used to for nine months. Remember that your baby has individual needs. Try these techniques as a starting point and improvise. After a few months, you and your baby will have a large repertoire of fuss- busters that work. 8 MOTIONS THAT MELLOW 1. WEARING BABY IN A SLING A baby carrier will be your most useful fuss- preventing tool. Infant development researchers who study babycare practices in America and other cultures are unanimous in reporting: infants who are carried more cry less. In fact, research has shown that babies who are carried at least three hours a day cry forty percent less than infants who aren't carried as much. The sling is not only helpful for high-need babies it's essential. Here's why babywearing works: The outside womb. Being nestled in the arms, against the chest, and near the parent's face gives baby the most soothing of all environments. Mother's walking motion "reminds" baby of the rhythm he enjoyed while in the womb. The sling encircles and contains the infant who would otherwise waste energy flinging his arms and legs around, randomly attempting to settle himself. The worn baby is only a breath away from his parent's voice, the familiar sound he has grown to associate with feeling good. Babies settle better in this "live" environment than they do when parked in swings or plastic infant seats. Sights aplenty. Being up in arms gives baby a visual advantage. He now can have a wider view of his world. Up near adult eye level, there are more visual attractions to distract baby from fussing. The distressed infant can now pick from a wide array of ever-changing scenery-select what delights him, and shut out what disturbs him. And seen from such a secure perch, even the disturbing sights soon become interesting rather than frightening. Instant replay. The expanding mind of a growing infant is like a video library containing thousands of tapes. These tapes record behavior patterns that baby has learned to anticipate as either soothing or disturbing. Babywearing mothers tell us: "As soon as I put on the sling, my baby's face lights up with delight, and he stops fussing." The scene of mother putting on the sling triggers a replay in baby's mind of all the pleasant memories she's experienced in mother's arms, and she can anticipate the pleasant interaction that is soon to follow. She stops fussing. She's no longer bored. SUCKING ON THE MOVE. Sometimes motion alone won't calm a frantic baby; she needs an additional relaxation inducer. Settle baby in a carrier and, while walking or dancing, offer baby the breast, bottle, or pacifier. Motion and sucking are a winning combination that settles even the most upset baby. Makes life easier for parents. Not only is babywearing good for the infant, it's good for the mother as well. The carrier gives you a comforting tool that usually works. After baby gets used to being worn and you get used to wearing baby, you have more options and more mobility. You'll feel as though you've gained an extra pair of hands, especially around the house, and you can go more places. Baby is content, since "home" to a tiny baby is being with mom, even though mom may be in the middle of a busy shopping center or at a party full of adults. A baby who fusses less is more fun to be with, and drains less energy from the parents. Infants and parents can then direct the energy they would have wasted on managing a fussy baby into growing and interacting. That's why carried babies thrive-as do their parents. Familiarity breeds contentment. Living in a carrier keeps infants content because it keeps them in constant contact with the familiar sounds, touches, movements, and visual delights of the parents. Being nestled in a familiar position is especially calming for the baby who is easily distracted and falls apart at the first sight of a strange person or place. The worn baby is always surrounded by things he knows. From this secure homebase, the baby has less fear of the unfamiliar-and adjusts without a fuss. Proximity fosters calmness. A baby who is worn is in mother's arms and literally right under her face. With this close proximity, mother can teach baby to cry "better." As soon as baby gives a hint that he is about to fuss, mother, because she is right there, can preempt the cry and keep it from escalating into an all-out fit. Being close to your baby helps you learn to read your baby's pre-cry signals so that you can intervene to meet baby's needs before he has to fuss. Baby in turn learns to be more at ease using non-crying modes of signaling since, during babywearing, he has learned that these signals receive an immediate nurturing response. Babywearing and daycare. Wear him in the babysling at least three hours a day. How to wear your baby in a sling. Some mothers take to babywearing like a duck takes to water; others may initially find the sling awkward. Also, some babies at first have difficulty settling in the sling. Perhaps they find it too confining. For the best long-term results, get your baby used to being worn in the first week of life, so that she soon realizes that the sling is where she belongs. It takes some practice, but the sling will soon become your norm of infant care. Take lessons from veteran parents who have logged many miles wearing their babies in a sling in various carrying positions and in many circumstances. Find one of these experts to show you how to wear the sling so it's most comfortable for you and most settling for baby. Keep experimenting with various positions until you find one that works; the favorite position may change with baby's moods and motor development. Most high-need babies prefer to be carried in the forward-facing position. For a busy parent of a fussy infant, a baby sling will be one of your most indispensable infant-care items. You won't get dressed without it. 2. DANCING WITH YOUR BABY It's only natural that movement calms fussy babies. Their whole uterine existence was a moving experience. Babies crave movement after birth because to them it is the norm. Being still disconcerts babies. They don't understand it and it frightens them. Movement relaxes them. Watch a room full of veteran baby calmers and you will witness a wide variety of dance steps. Each parent has found the dance routine that best suits the mood of both partners, adult and infant. In fact, you can usually spot mothers of high-need babies in a crowd-even without their babies. They are the ones who are swaying back and forth all the time. A mother once told me that as she was standing at a party holding a glass of ginger ale, another mother came up and commented on the fact that she seemed to be teetering back and forth a bit. The observer concluded, "I know you haven't had too much to drink. You must have a baby!" 3. SWINGING BABY Walk past any playground, peer into any nursery and you'll see happy babies swinging contentedly. The regular swinging motion calms babies. To meet the high demands of fussy babies and frantic parents, infant-product manufacturers have introduced a variety of baby swings to the ever-growing market of baby-soothing devices. None of these synthetic substitutes work as well as the encircling arms, soft breasts and warm body of a parent, all of which remind baby of the womb. But let's face it, "wombs" wear out, and substitute arms are sometimes necessary to save a parent's sanity, or at least allow mother to take a shower. Swings are particularly useful during happy hour , that stretch of time in the late afternoon to early evening when you're busy preparing or having dinner and babies are notoriously difficult. Try winding up your mechanical sub in order to wind down a fussy baby. The tick-tocking sound plus the monotonous motion will usually settle an upset baby. Some newer swings even oscillate in a circular motion rather than the traditional back and forth motion. It's best to borrow a swing or try one out on your baby at the store to avoid investing in something that your baby will shun. While some high-need babies won't settle for less than the highest tech swing (those that move in two planes, play lullabies, and have a plush seat), others will calm with a simpler swing that hangs from a door or porch frame. Some babies prefer these swings on ropes over the mechanical ones with their rigid supports; they like to sway in a circular motion rather than swinging from front to back. Some babies don't like any type of swing; perhaps they get dizzy. In that case, it's back to the human swing. PARENT TIP Mechanical swings are one of the most commonly recalled infant products. Be sure to buy an JPMA-approved swing. 4. FREEWAY FATHERING (or mothering!) If you've tried several of the home-based tricks to settle baby and none have worked, take a ride. Place baby in a carseat and drive for at least twenty minutes, non-stop if you can. Then return home and carry the whole package (sleeping baby in the carseat) into your home. 5. STROLLING IN A CARRIAGE For many modern mothers, wearing babies in carriers has replaced pushing them in carriages. Certainly babies would give two thumbs up to this improved mode of travel. While most babies settle better when worn than when wheeled, some high-need babies like a change of scenery and sometimes settle better in a carriage or stroller. Some infants shun the flimsy, hard, rough-riding collapsible strollers and prefer the old-fashioned, cushy, bouncy (expensive!) prams. That's typical of high-need children. Warning about babies sleeping in carriages. Carriages are designed to soothe babies and sometimes get them to sleep, but it is not safe to leave baby sleeping in a carriage unattended. Carriage mattresses are too plush, and carriages often hold blankets and fuzzy toys that may occlude baby's breathing. Many infants have been smothered while left sleeping unattended in baby carriages. 6. ROLLING BABY. Kneel on the floor and drape baby tummy-down over a beach ball. Hold baby with one hand and slightly roll the ball from side to side. 7. WALKING WITH BABY. One of the easiest baby-and parent-calmers is a simple walk. When babies are fussy and obviously needed a change of scenery you would nestle baby in a sling and take a long walk, each time trying to vary the route and the attractions. Walk past moving cars, moving people, trees, parks, children playing, up and down hills, around curvy paths, and oftentimes along the beach. Martha also enjoyed the walking routine. Besides calming fussy babies, long pleasant walks are good exercise for parents. Get outdoors! Feeling housebound with a fussy baby is a double punishment that few parents can tolerate. This is especially true for those persistent p.m. fussers who need a half-hour to an hour each evening to blow off steam. In that case, they may as well have their evening blast amid a change of scenery for you. Taking a walk is good therapy for a mother who is struggling with burnout . A mother who is having trouble managing her new life and who also has a high-need baby is at risk for serious post-partum depression or high levels of anxiety. This mother-baby pair needs to be out of the house, walking briskly for forty-five minutes to an hour in the morning and again after they have a nap. Mother may worry that she's away from the house and "not getting enough done," but remember, "home" to a baby is where mother is, and what she is doing is important. Walking will calm both mother and baby, and the exercise releases endorphins in the brain that soothe emotional and mental distress. Walking can help a new mother settle into a more balanced and peaceful life so that she can reflect balance and peace to her baby. HAPPY HOUR Many fussy or colicky babies seem to go to pieces in the late afternoon or early evening, just when your parental reserves are already drained. If your baby is a "p.m. fusser" around the same time each day, play "happy hour" before baby's colic hour occurs. Treat baby and yourself to a late afternoon nap. Upon awakening, go into a relaxing ritual, such as a twenty-minute baby massage, followed by a forty-minute walk carrying baby in a sling. With this before-colic ritual, baby is conditioned at the same time each day to expect an hour of comfort rather than an hour of pain. 8. COLIC CARRIES Here are four time-tested holds for putting a tense baby in relaxed arms:
For added comforting and sleep-inducing success, try the above holds while walking or dancing with your baby. Add soothing sounds and moving attractions, such as beaches, water running in the kitchen sink, or moving traffic. 9. SOUNDS THAT SOOTHE Along with motion, most babies are soothed by sounds, preferably ones that remind them of the womb. The most calming sounds are rhythmic, monotonous, low-pitched and humming in quality, with slowly rising crescendos and decrescendos, and a sound pattern that repeats at a rate of 60 to 70 pulses per minute. Infant product manufacturers have capitalized on research into soothing sounds by producing a variety of sleep-inducing sound makers that use "white noise"-a monotonous, repetitive sound involving all the frequencies audible to the human ear; this will lull an overloaded mind into sleep. However, you don't need to go out and buy a special tape or gadget to lull your baby to sleep. Here are some proven baby-calming favorites that you may have around the house.
10. SIGHTS THAT DELIGHT A captivating image can distract some babies in the midst of a crying fit and sidetrack others before they have a chance to howl. Try these: MAGIC MIRROR: This scene has pulled our babies out of many crying jags. Hold the fussy baby in front of a mirror and let her witness her own drama. Place her hand or barefoot against its image on the mirror surface and watch the intrigued baby grow silent. HAPPY FACES: spend a lot of time in face-to-face contact with your baby, showing baby exaggerated (but pleasant) facial expressions. Remember which facial expressions he likes and replay them later when he fusses. High-need babies demand a lot of connecting experiences, face-to-face and eye- to-eye contact is what they need in order to know they are being heard and seen clearly. All this connecting is why high-need babies grow up to be good communicators that are sensitive to the body language and nonverbal cues of others. They get plenty of practice. SILLY FACE: Give baby a sudden change of face. Put on your silliest or most dramatic facial gestures and direct them at baby. These antics take babies by surprise, causing them (at least temporarily) to forget why they are fussing. MISCELLANEOUS MOVING ATTRACTIONS: Seldom do you have to buy stuff to hush little babies. You'll be amazed what natural baby calmers are all around your home. We've enjoyed placing our babies in front of these natural "visual stimulators:"
The more interactions you try the better you become at comforting your baby and you'll have some fun along the way. One father tried everything until he discovered his baby would stop fussing when watching a popcorn popper in action. 11. TOUCHES THAT RELAX INFANT MASSAGE High-need babies have tense muscles that need help relaxing. Every baby needs lots of touching. High-need babies (of course!) need more. Infant massage is an enjoyable way to touch and soothe your infant. You can learn the art of infant massage from an infant massage instructor (ask your local childbirth instructor if she can recommend someone). An instructor can be especially helpful if your baby seems to be overstimulated by touch. You can also teach yourself using the instruction manual, Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents by Vimala Schneider (Bantam Books, 1989). Some very sensitive high-need babies actually pull away from being touched because they find it threatening or over- stimulating. In this case, a routine of careful, gentle touches can gradually accustom this baby to being handled and will help him to eventually enjoy touching. THE WARM FUZZY Here's a high-touch soother where father can really shine. Dads, lie down and drape baby skin- to-skin over your chest, placing baby's ear over your heart. As baby senses the rhythm of your heartbeat plus the up-and-down motion of your breathing, you will feel the tense baby relax. His fists will uncurl and his limbs will dangle limply over your chest. By the time baby becomes three or four months of age, he may squirm and easily roll off your chest. Then try letting your baby nestle against you with the top of his head in your armpit and his tummy resting comfortably against the side of your chest. In this position, baby's ear can still hear your heart beat and sense your steady breathing. Pat his diapered bottom with your free hand to reinforce the calm feeling. NECK NESTLE . Place the baby in the snuggle position and lift him up a bit until his head nestles into your neck and your neck and chin drape over baby's head. You will have found one of the most comforting and calming holding patterns. In the neck nestle dad has a slight edge over mom. Babies hear not only through their ears but also through the vibration of their skull bones. By placing baby's head against your voice box, in the front of your neck, and humming and singing to your baby, the slower, more easily felt vibrations of the lower-pitched male voice often lull baby right to sleep. As you rock and walk with your baby, sing a calming song such as "Old Man River." Another attraction to the neck nestle is that baby feels the warming air from your nose on her scalp. (Experienced mothers have long known that sometimes-just breathing onto baby's head or face will calm her. They call this "magic breath.") Dads, become a shareholder in the family art of babywearing. NESTLE NURSING Undress your baby down to a diaper and lie down on the bed together. Curl up womb-like around your baby, face-to-face, tummy-to-tummy, and let the baby nurse. This is especially soothing if mom's clothing allows for lots of skin contact. The natural calming powers of touching, sucking, your breathing and heartbeat, along with gentle strokes from your fingers will relax even the fussiest baby and send her off into peaceful sleep. Martha calls this hold the teddy bear snuggle. A WARM BATH TOGETHER This one's for mother and baby. Mothers of high-need babies have put in a lot of hours of hydrotherapy because it works! Recline in a half-full tub, and have dad hand baby to you. If you are alone, have baby "stand by" in an infant seat right next to the tub until you are ready to bring her into the tub. Place baby tummy-to-tummy against your chest and let baby breastfeed in the water (your nipples being a couple inches above the surface). Baby is floating a bit while nursing, which adds to the soothing effect. Taking a bath with baby helps to relax mom as well as baby. Leave the faucet running and the tub's drain open a bit. The drip of the warm water not only provides a soothing sound, but also keeps the water comfortably warm. Getting the sleeping baby out of the tub is a bit of a challenge. Some babies will stay asleep while they are handed off to someone waiting with a warm, dry towel. Most high-need babies don't sleep through handoffs, however. You may have to plan to just stay in the tub awhile. Have some relaxing music on that you can enjoy. Or have a book handy (this may or may not work depending on the design of your tub). If you really don't want to stay in the tub the whole time baby sleeps, and he doesn't hand off well to someone (or you're alone), plan your strategy for getting both of you out of the tub and resettled on your bed. Have the infant seat next to the tub with the warm, dry towel draped over it. (Try having a hot water bottle there keeping the towel warm until you're ready to place baby on the towel.) If baby wakes up during this transfer, don't despair. Wrap yourself up in your own big, fluffy bath sheet, pick baby up calmly and head for your bed. Snuggle up together with as little fuss as possible and baby may obligingly nurse back off to sleep for you. A CHECKLIST OF 36 TIME-TESTED BABY-CALMERS
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