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Understand Your Baby’s Cues
But a newborn communicates in her own language. You may hear her cry. You may see her shut down or turn away when overstimulated. Or you may watch her attempt to comfort herself by putting fist or fingers in her mouth, continuing to cry or eventually falling asleep. Sometimes it takes many tries to unravel the signals of your infant. Some parents find that within about ten days they can distinguish the hunger signal, the discomfort cry and the sleepy cue, but sometimes other complaints are less easily understood. It can be helpful to hold the baby close, to murmur soothing words and to stay calm yourself. Infants cannot easily soothe themselves when under stress. They actually release stress hormones through tears and obvious distress, but they don't always have the capacity to calm or completely relax themselves back to a normal, non-stressed state. When your baby is in distress, it is important to soothe and hold her, not only so that she will quiet down but, more important, so that she will learn that you are there, that she is safe and that she can relax Sometimes parents recognize what baby is trying to express, but they discount it. Remember that your baby needs you to take his fear seriously and offer comfort. During the first six months of life, the baby is learning to regulate himself to the world and he needs his parents' help to do that. As he learns he can depend on his parents when he signals them, he feels increasingly safe and secure. The loving relationship between baby and parents becomes the foundation for all future relationships. Remember that each parent and baby relationship develops in its own way. And don't look to other parents and infants as a model to follow step-by-step. That won't work. Mom and dad may not do things in quite the same way either - but that's OK. With two parents tuned in to baby's messages, understanding what baby needs should be that much easier. Though even if you can't figure out the exact reason for your baby's crying or fussing, babies appreciate the fact that you are trying to do something, that you are responding to them. "You can't spoil a baby by responding to his cries and trying to understand his signals.
Saying plenty without a word Even before they can talk, babies try to tell us what they want or need. Sometimes we just need to know what to look for. Part of the fun of parenting is learning how your baby communicates. After all, no two infants are alike. Different babies may use different expressions and movements to tell us what they want. Even if you think you know what your baby is trying to communicate, be prepared to try something else if your first idea doesn't seem right. Don't Cry! Sometimes babies keep crying no matter what you do. This can be hard for everyone, and it can be stressful. No matter how hard it can be, never shake or hit a baby to try to get him or her to stop crying. Sometimes a simple change makes a difference for a crying baby. You can try going with the baby to a different room or going outside together, singing a song, taking the baby for a walk in the stroller or a drive in the car, or giving the baby a bath. Body language The first step in reading your baby's cues is paying close attention. Watch your baby's expressions, her movements, and her reactions to your responses. Did it seem like what you tried worked? What about the second thing you tried?
Here are some suggestions for those times when you just can't figure out what your baby is trying to tell you: • First, take a couple of deep breaths and calm down. • Pick your baby up if you're not already holding him, and look into your baby's face. What emotions do you read there? • "Put yourself in your baby's booties." Try to imagine what your baby is feeling and what will help. • Even if you can't figure out exactly why your baby is unhappy, rocking, holding her close or walking around with her may help. Or, if your baby is overstimulated, she may be happier if you set her down in a quiet, safe place. Responding is important. Responding to your baby's cues is a critical part of parenting. When parents and caregivers pay attention to their babies' expressions and actions and try to respond in helpful ways, babies learn to handle stressful situations better. What's more, responding can help babies learn to interact with others in a positive way. When your baby gives a cue and you respond to it, your baby begins to learn that cues work. The more you respond, the more you encourage your baby to send cues when she wants or needs something. Together, you create lots of cues that help you and your baby know what to do. Research shows that when parents don't respond to their baby's signals, babies get upset and show signs of stress. Giving your child lots of face time and responding to his facial expressions and body language is important to his development. Even more, being sensitive to your baby's cues and adjusting to his needs may make the baby feel more secure. MORE TIPS • Pay close attention to how your baby communicates when she needs a break or when she is tired or hungry. • Take the daily schedule into account. How long has it been since she's been fed? Does she need a nap? Has her diaper been changed recently? Parents who keep daily activities in mind have a better chance of understanding their babies' signals. • Your baby loves to see you and your facial expressions, so play lots of face-to-face games with your baby. • Try to follow your baby's lead. If she's showing you that she's interested, keep playing. If she points to an object in the room, name it and let her touch it if it's safe to explore. Help her learn that communicating works! • Try to be sensitive to cues that your baby needs a break. If he turns away while you are playing, wait for a moment to see if he turns back to you. If he begins fussing instead, it might be time to try something new or to let him relax for a moment while you stay near. • Don't expect to understand every signal, or to be in sync with your baby all the time. You won't always get it right. Communication is never perfect. If you're trying, you're doing a great job!
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