How To Ease Your Kids Into A New School Year

A new school year can cause stress

Even kids who've been eagerly counting the days until summer's end may get clingy or disruptive a few days before the bus arrives. To get a feel of what your child may be experiencing, remember how you've felt when beginning a new job. You were using the same skills and felt competent in your past performance, but were in an entirely foreign environment with a new boss and colleagues. Your child may feel the same uncertainty. Although she generally knows what to expect, she can't be sure how her new teacher will run the classroom, how hard her new assignments will be or if she'll click with her new classmates. Understand this, and expect to offer support, a listening ear and encouragement.

Ease fears by offering soothing routines

Experts assure parents that no matter how much kids protest, they are actually comforted by routines. "Children thrive on routine if it leaves room for personal creativity and is not too rigid," explains Sharon Hills-Bonczyk, the director of a family resource center. Experts suggest beginning to integrate the back-to-school routine at least 2 weeks before the first day of school. Begin going to bed and waking 10 minutes earlier than usual until your child is back on schedule. Julie Graham, a licensed clinical social worker, suggests encouraging your child to function in an easy, back-to-school sequence. A child who dresses, eats and grabs his backpack in the same order every day will eventually automatically function smoothly. Work with your child to choose clothes, load backpacks and pack lunches the night before to keep the mornings stress free.

Make a conscious effort to keep your child's extracurricular schedule simple as well. Samuel Gladding, author of Family Therapy: History, Theory and Practice (Prentice Hall), says the start of school is the best time to prevent overscheduling yourself and your children. He suggests parents limit extracurricular activities to 2 per child at the most.

Fretting about fitting in

Kids are usually horribly afraid of appearing confused or out of place. With this in mind, psychologist Catherine Hutter explains that a parent's primary back-to-school task is to gather enough information to give your child an accurate idea of what to expect. Frequently visit the school and the new classroom, meet your child's teacher and make sure your child has walked his daily schedule several times. Show smaller children where they can find the bathroom and help them identify a "buddy" on whom they can depend if they need help. If your older child has to navigate several classes, tape his schedule and locker combination inside a folder. Many experts agree the end of summer is a great time to throw a party for class and bus mates, as well as old friends, to generate enthusiasm.

The desire to fit in is perhaps the biggest cause of back-to-school anxiety. Susan Panzarine, Ph.D., author of A Parents Guide to the Teen Years: Raising Your 11- to 14-Year-Old in the Age of Chat Rooms and Navel Rings (Checkmark Books), says parents should realize that kids' self-esteem is directly affected by the degree to which they feel accepted by the peer group. That means they may want the clothes, hairstyles and hobbies embraced by their friends, even though this can sometimes be hard for parents. That's why many experts recommend allowing children to choose their own appropriate clothes, as long as their choices fall within school dress code guidelines.

Stress about school performance

Students may worry that they'll struggle to handle this year's academic requirements. Psychologist Susana Chang recommends parents pull out old school work and report cards or offer grade level educational worksheets and websites - anything that reassures your child of his ability to meet academic expectations. Tell your child that you're aware of her abilities and past performance and are certain she can handle anything expected of her. Assure her if she has any difficulty, you'll make sure she gets any help she needs. And make sure any anxiety is coming from your child. Parents sometimes unintentionally project their own anxieties onto students. Model confidence and an upbeat attitude and your child will likely follow.

Prepare to offer extra support

For the first few weeks, be on the look out for any suspect behavior - clinginess, avoidance of things your child once enjoyed or behavior that is not typical. Try to clear your calendar and be available to talk about any concerns your child may have. Ask specific questions about his experiences and follow up with fun, low-key family activities that will relieve stress. Don't hesitate to speak to your child's teacher and school if your child experiences any problems. Dr. Joan Goodman of the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education says that parents are under the wrong impression that if they bring up their child's difficulties, "the teacher will have negative and low expectations" of their child. This is well intentioned but wrong, she says. Teachers do not yet have direct knowledge of your child and need your input. Mark Reuben, M.D., suggests that parents investigate if a child dislikes or refuses to go to school. Often, he says, a student is being bullied or having difficulties with classmates. Experts say most children will be able to fully adjust to school within a few weeks or, at most, a month.

There's no doubt the first day of school can bring adjustments and anxieties for the entire family. With a conscious effort to establish comforting routines and communication that both addresses anxieties and gives your children a feeling of competency and control, this school year can kick off with the best start possible.