Staying connected with your middle schoolers

Sometimes you as a parent may feel like you are losing bond with your child. It seems like there are strangeness between you as your girl or boy is always not in mood to share her/his interests with you or spend some sweet family time together.

From around age 10 to 15, children are experiencing not only enormous physical changes, but a heightened awareness of the big wide world outside their homes.

Pre-teens go through an increasing need to feel as if they "belong" somewhere other than in their family. At school, they are under pressure not only to achieve academically, but also to fit in socially.

With all this going on for kids, it is no wonder they can seem so unpredictable at times.

Here are some strategies that have proven successful:

Be a concerned and caring listener

Remember that generally your child doesn't want the effect of a conversation to be you dispensing advice. It is often enough to simply listen in a supportive and sympathetic way.
Although it often goes against a parent's instinct to simply listen you should try to allow your child to work through his or her problems in your company (it will serve your child well when faced with complicated issues like drugs, alcohol and sex).

Encouraging the dialogue

As far as staying close in the middle years goes, the most crucial challenge for parents is to keep the lines of communication open and strong.

Consider a change of scene

When having an important discussion take a car ride or find a quiet place that will distance you and your child from other distractions, like the television, phone or other family members.

Be supportive

Even when all else fails, simply putting your hand on a child's shoulder and telling him or her "I think you are a great kid" to support or being optimistic and repeat that life won't always seem so hard sends the very strong message that you value what they are going through, understand that it can seem monumental and offer hope that things are likely to become less confusing and difficult with time.

Here are some more particular advices given by parents of middle schoolers who manage to find their way through the difficult years of their young teenagers.

• Just keep up the conversation and occasionally you will hit on a topic that your teen would really want to elaborate on.

• Practice empathy, rather than judgment.

• Often children don't want a quick answer from you, but just a sympathetic ear.

• Keep a sense of humor.

• Avoid the power struggles. When parents are very authoritarian and it comes like it is either their way or no way - it makes your child want to rebel all the more.

• Encourage kids to think things through by themselves before they make some big decisions.

• Don't harp about schoolwork. Just set standards and if performance is below par, you can cut some privileges.

• Declare an open door policy and encourage children to bring their friends home at time you are there so you could become acquainted with their friends.

• Never forget to display your affection and keep saying to your children that you love them no matter what. But at the same time you should respect their need for space.

• Tap into their interests. All you need is expressing a desire to understand what they like about in those things they are going for.

• Make time for one-on-one - go out to breakfast or make a date for pizza and the movies on a regular basis.