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Coping with Teens' Fashions

So, does this mean if you have trouble accepting your teen's new "look," you don't care about him? If you cringe at the thought of your purple-haired daughter smiling out from the family portrait for all posterity, are you a bad parent? Of course not! In fact, behind each of the happy scenarios described above, there was probably at least some friction before parents and teens were able to see eye to eye, or at least call a truce. While it's a rite of passage for teens to put their individuality on display, parents often go through a simultaneous "rite of passage" -- grieving for the child that was.

While it may not be too difficult to accept teens shaving their heads or dying their hair, many parents become concerned when their teens want a tattoo simply because they are aware that a teen's tattoo will still be there well after the fashion fad has faded.

The struggles and apparent loss of closeness during these years can be heartbreaking for parents (and teens, too!). Let's face it, it's not always easy to see our babies presenting themselves to the world in (what we consider) less than their best light. On top of that, nowadays, it's not just a temporary appearance issue. Tattoos are basically permanent, and piercing can result in scars and lead to infections. So how do we control our feelings of fear and disappointment so we don't squelch our kids' self-esteem and emerging independence?

For many teens, hair and clothing is as important to them as food and water. Whether it's tattooing, body piercing, or the latest look in clothing, teens express themselves through what they wear and how they look. That's because adolescence is a time when kids are creating their own separate identity and a large part of that is expressed through fashion. Parents can focus too much on the physical things that are happening to their kids and the styles they've taken on and forget that this is a praiseworthy young person who is struggling valiantly to reach adulthood.

Here are some suggestions:

Be patient and have faith. It may be hard to believe, but parents have a great deal of influence on their teens. After having time and space to grow up and explore, teens almost always re-establish a close bond with their parents.
Don't take it personally. They are not doing it to hurt you. This is an important part of their self-exploration: It's all about them!

Let them learn their own lessons. In general, a discovery has more impact when someone makes it by himself than when it is pointed out to him (although it may take longer!)

Choose your battles. Of all the things you may disagree about, is this worth starting World War III over?
Your support means a lot. They don't expect you to approve when they dress outrageously. Surprise them for a change. You don't have to wholeheartedly approve of the look, but you can admire the spirit behind it. They will remember that.

Look for the good. Even if you hate your daughter's hairstyle or choice of clothes, keep mum about it and find things you do like. Compliment her daily. It will boost her self-esteem and maybe even speed up her journey to self-discovery.
Don't forget payback! This is the best one: When your teen's piercings, tattoos, or dreadlocks are about to drive you nuts, close your eyes and imagine what forms of self-expression will make these seem tame a generation from now, when he's a parent!