|
Feeling Connected With Your Teen
The souls of our child and ourselves have a deep and permanent connection. From a soul's perspective, there is no difference in age or roles between ourselves and our children. If we can maintain our awareness of the spiritual tie between our deeper self and that of our teen even when we struggle, we will gain strength and comfort, and a healthier perspective on what is going on. Our children arrive on earth with their own unique soul's growth to experience, and their own lessons to learn. They will draw appropriate relationships, such as having a parent like us, to help them on their own path. Remember it! We as their parents are an important part of their life, but we can't dominate and control how their life will unfold. Much as an acorn has all the pattern for it's own growth within its shell, so do our children. Their unfolding will occur in its own timing and rhythm. Their life path will be their own, not one we choose for them. Strength and Love Children seem to arrive with a primary quality of approaching life either more from a place of strength or more from a place of love. Some children enter life like a bombshell, while others come into the world quieter and more settled. Every person on earth has its own character and life attitude. Youngsters are in a process of making up their own vision of world around them. A central challenge of each life is to balance these qualities so that strength flows from love (not manipulation and aggression), and love is based on a gentle strength (not weakness). This blending of strength and love is a life-long challenge for each of us, and our teen's efforts for balance are happening in the context of our own. Think about the sarcastic and belligerent teen-ager who feels he has to force his opinions onto everyone, and imagine that he has a parent that relates to the world in the same way. Imagine the teen who seems easily led, and the difficulty he may have in standing up to the influences of peers. How does that feel when we see our children easily influenced, especially if that has been a problem for us? So be careful of the example you set before your children with your own behaviour. What makes this especially difficult is that we have to watch their struggles from the sidelines. As teens are to decide for themselves and show their independence. Sometimes parents can be of help. We must remember, however, that we struggle with balancing strength and love in our life, and our relationship with our teenager can put our own issues center stage. If we are a person who dislikes controversy and we have a teenager who is wanting to fight with us, what do we do? Do we give in or stand up for ourselves? These experiences give us the opportunity to more deeply understand ourselves and develop our own strengths. That means that we should work at self-improvement and help our children lead their young life in this world. We may have the belief that we are responsible for all of the problems our children encounter. We sometimes think that if we had just done this or not done that, our children would be more successful happier, better adjusted. It may be our belief that it is our responsibility to make life as easy as possible for our child. Hard Path Children If you are the parent of a hard path child, this is a core lesson for you. Keep your heart open. Honor your child. He or she has a soul which is working very, very hard. As each child's path is unique, so is each parent/child relationship. We are much better off if we judge our relationship with our child by listening to our heart, not by comparing it to some societal model of what such a relationship should be. The relationship between ourselves and our child is a primary one. Parents feel a deep desire to teach their children all the lessons of life. As our teen becomes ready to leave home, we may feel an heightened sense of urgency to prepare them for the next stages of life in which they are about to embark. Often young people report that their parents start getting more critical and bossy, like preparing them for a final exam! It may not be a rational feeling but is powerful. There are many lessons to teach and the most potent and powerful ones are those that are taught by the example we give to our teen in how we balance our own strength and love in our daily life. As the old saying reminds us: we learn by what we see, not by what we hear. Our Own Growth and Learning We sometimes overly focus on our children's development and growth, and overlook how much we in turn learn from our children. Patience came to us when our children were tiny and crying and demanding that their every need be met. As children developed, some of the issues we still carried from our relationships with our own parents may have come into play. Acceptance, non-judgment, trust and release of control are lessons for us to learn now that they are teenagers, and want to explore themselves and their world in their own way. • Take a minute and think about the things about your teen that concern or anger you. • How have your own qualities been enhanced by your experiences with your teen? • Which of your own issues have been brought to the forefront? • How are your experiences with your teen contributing to your own growth? As we increasingly understand and trust that the spiritual bond with our teenager is true, our thoughts, feelings, and actions toward them become more loving and peaceful. Let's always follow the way of relationship that were described above - examine and be conscious of the powerful changes we can make when we transform a judgmental attitude toward our teen to one that is based on a deep sense of trust and respect. Parents should remember about the deep spiritual bond with their teen and be conscious how to build connections from the heart that can transcend and transform our daily life.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
