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Help Your Child Building Self Esteem
Self-esteem is more than just a buzzword used in parenting books to get your attention. It truthfully is something you need to help your child build and protect. Self-esteem is how your child feels about himself and his abilities. It is developed as your child interacts with you and others. A child with a healthy self-esteem has a ‘can-do' attitude. He feels like a capable person who isn't afraid of trying new things. He has a fun outlook on life and shows this through his everyday actions.
Building self esteem Adolescents with high self-esteem are more likely to believe in themselves and have a sense of importance and self-respect. Self-esteem affects how your children will approach new tasks or challenges and how he or she interacts with others. Teenage children with low self-esteem may avoid challenging activities or may give up quickly, quit, or cheat when things aren't going their way. A child with low self esteem may also be a bully, bossy, controlling, have a low level of self control, and have difficulty making friends and just lead a happy life among others. Children with high self esteem feel a sense of trust, security and feel accepted by others. They understand their own self-worth, have self control and are willing to take on challenging or difficult tasks. Help Your Child To help with building self-esteem you can spend lots of time with your children, especially in activities that she enjoys and is good at, and allow her to make her own decisions, so she can learn responsibility and can feel that you trust her. Learn to praise your children during adolescence and to pay positive attention to them and teach them how to accept praise for her accomplishments. Avoid criticizing your child too much. Also, do not always rush to rescue your child from frustrating experiences. Instead, try and help her solve the problem herself. It can help boost your child's self esteem if she feels like she is making a positive contribution to the family. Give her age appropriate chores to do (such as setting the table, taking out the garbage, putting her clothes away, etc), and allow her to do them on her own. Even if she isn't doing the chores perfectly, don't be quick to jump in and help or correct her. Keep in mind that many children's self-esteem will drop as she begins adolescence. You can help at this time by making sure that she understands and is prepared for all of the changes her body and mind are going through. Be available for communication and reassure her as much as possible. Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, and our behavior clearly reflects those feelings. The consequence of a low self-esteem in a teenager in this day and age is not something you as a parent want to face.
Parents, more than anyone else can promote their child's self-esteem. It isn't a particularly difficult thing to do. If fact, most parents do it without even realizing that their words and actions have great impact on how their child or teenager feels about himself. Here are some suggestions to keep in mind. When you feel good about your child, mention it to him. Parents are often quick to express negative feelings to children but somehow don't get around to describing positive feelings. A child doesn't know when you are feeling good about him. Be generous with praise. Use what is called descriptive praise to let your child know when they are doing something well. You must of course become in the habit of looking for situations in which your child is doing a good job or displaying a talent. Teach your child to practice making positive self-statements. Self-talk is very important in everything we do. Psychologists have found that negative self-talk is behind depression and anxiety. What we think determines how we feel and how we feel determines how we behave. Therefore, it is important to teach children to be positive about how they "talk to themselves." Let your child remember and repeat phrases that help him to improve his own value no matter what happens. Avoid criticism in the form of ridicule or shame. Sometimes it is necessary to criticize a child's actions, and it is appropriate that parents do so. When, however the criticism is directed to the child as a person it can easily deteriorate into ridicule or shame. Teach your child about decision-making and to recognize when he has made a good decision. Children make decisions all the time but often are not aware that they are doing so. There are a number of ways parents can help children improve their ability to consciously make wise decisions. 1. Help the child clarify the problem that is creating the need for a decision. 2. Brainstorm the possible solutions. Usually there is more than one solution or choice to a given dilemma, and the parent can make an important contribution by pointing out this fact and by suggesting alternatives if the child has none. 3. Allow the child to choose one of the solutions only after fully considering the consequences. The best solution will be one that solves the problem and simultaneously makes the child feel good about himself. 4. Later join the child in evaluating the results of that particular solution. Reviewing the tactics will equip the child to make a better decision next time. Develop a positive approach to providing structure for your child. All kids and teens need to accept responsibility for their behavior. They should learn self-discipline. For this you'd better adopt the role of coach/teacher rather than that of disciplinarian and punisher. Remember "Three Fs": Discipline should be fair, firm and friendly. Ten additional steps you can take to help your child develop a positive self-image: 1. Teach children to change their demands to preferences. Point out to children that there is no reason they must get everything they want and that they need not feel angry either. Encourage them to work against anger by setting a good example and by reinforcing them when they display appropriate irritation rather than anger. 2. Encourage your children to ask for what they want assertively; pointing out that there is no guarantee that they will get it. Reinforce them for asking and avoid anticipating their desires. 3. Let children know they create and are responsible for any feeling they experience. Likewise, they are not responsible for others' feelings. Avoid blaming children for how you feel. 4. Encourage your children to develop hobbies and interests which give them pleasure and which they can pursue independently. 5. Let children settle their own disputes between siblings and friends alike. 6. Help your children develop "tease tolerance" by pointing out that some teasing can't hurt. Help children learn to cope with teasing by ignoring it while using positive self-talk. 7. Help children learn to focus on their strengths by pointing out to them all the things they can do. 8. Encourage your children to behave toward themselves the way they'd like their friends to behave toward them. 9. Help your children think in terms of alternative options and possibilities rather than depending upon one option for satisfaction. The more you help your children realize that there are many options in every situation, the more you increase their potential for satisfaction. 10. Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one's overall enjoyment.
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