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Run Away Teenagers
Adolescence is, after all, the time for trying new things and testing values and limits. Some think their home has too many rules and limits and that life in the big, wide world will be freer and more exciting. Some run away impulsively after an argument, believing it will make their parents come around. Others run away because they're afraid of punishment, or genuinely feel that they are unwanted and unloved in their own home. Other teenagers run away because there is something serious going wrong in their lives, such as abuse, neglect or parents continually fighting. Whatever the reason, when a teenager runs away it's often a serious cry for help. They believe they're in a situation too distressing to continue living in. As adults and as parents you need to take their distress seriously. There are many reasons why teenagers might be thinking of leaving home, but it's a big move that needs to be thought through. If that something that happens to your child you should try to realize the reasons of such behaviour. Does a teen want to leave home because think he is in immediate danger of being harmed or assaulted? Is he thinking of leaving because of conflict with parents or family members? If a teen leaving home because of family conflict or abuse then there are refuges and supported accommodation services that may be available. They have made a bad decision. They got themselves caught up in pressures that they felt the need to escape from. Instead of facing their problem and solving it, they chose to run from it. We need to teach our teen how to face their problems, even if the problem is us. When they have the right tools to fix some of the things that may be going on in their lives, the pressure lessens, and there is no more need for them to escape. Every teen either has tried or knows another teen who has run away. As a parent you can not lock them in. As much as you would like to build a wall around them, it is their choice whether or not to walk out the door. All you should know is that parents of teens who run away are not necessary bad parents. But what should you do in case if your teen runs: Call the Police, IMMEDIATELY!! Don't wait 24 hours, do it right away. Ask investigators to enter your child into the National Crime Information Center (NCIC) Missing Persons File. There is no waiting period for entry into NCIC for children under age 18. Get the name and badge number of the officer you speak with. Call back often. Call everyone your child knows and enlisted their help. Search everywhere, but do not leave your phone unattended. Search your teens room for anything that may give you a clue as to where he went. You may also want to check your phone bill for any calls they may have made recently. When Your Teen Comes Home: Take a break from each other. Do not start talking about it right away. Your emotions are too high at this point to get anywhere in a conversation. Later ask and listen. Why did they leave? Tell them how you felt about them going, let them know that they hurt you by leaving. Let them know that there isn't a problem that you, together can't solve. If they ever feel that running away might solve something, have them talk to you first, you could always offer other choices, so they can make a better decision. If this isn't the first time or you have problems communicating when they get back, it's time to ask for professional help. Thirty to 40 percent of run away teens will become involved in some kind of "trouble" -- they will be mugged, robbed, beaten, molested, raped or even killed. Some return to their homes; others do not. So what can parents do to prevent their teens from joining the number of those that never return? Better yet, how can parents prevent their teen from running away in the first place? Start studying the reasons why kids choose to leave. The reasons behind a teenager's choice to leave home can often be serious. A study found that the majority left home because of perceived physical or emotional abuse. While some teens leave home for problems such as emotional, mental or physical abuse, others may have reasons that, to adults, may seem less "serious" but which hold just as much bearing on a teen's decision to leave, like inability to communicate with a parent or frequent arguments or confrontations with a stepparent, a chaotic household or to accompany a friend who is running away from home. As adults, we have learned to face whatever problems are before us and meet them head on in an attempt to solve them. However, teens may not have that skill and may feel overwhelmed, scared or confused. Running away is an attempt at resolving or escaping from some problem. Then your task is to help to solve the problem together with your teen. Teens may use running away as a means of getting attention, resolving an argument or even as an attempt to make their parents feel guilty or scared. What you don't do in trying to prevent a teen from running away is almost as important as what you should do. As teens have usually already made up their minds regarding what they feel they must do, the next steps taken can often be critical. Telling your teen to go ahead and run away because you know they will be back is a thing you shouldn't do. Also if you tell your child that their reason for wanting to run away is not valid, you're missing the point. It is better to listen to your child's concerns and take appropriate steps to solve those concerns. When a teen threatens to run away it may not be in spite, in anger or in retaliation - it may just be the only solution the teen can find for an undisclosed problem. Talking about the reasons why a teen may want to leave the security of their home may offer insight into how to keep them there - safe and sound. So you are a parent of a teen who once decided to run away but returned. How to prevent those tries un future. Be prepared to make some changes. If things don't change they'll probably run away again. Try to see the problem from your teenager's perspective. Make sure they know you understand their point of view before you give your own. It doesn't mean you have to give in on everything, but it does show them you want to discuss ways to make things better for everyone. The return of your child can be a very emotional time. Your child may be feeling guilty or humiliated for his actions. He may also be filled with fear of anticipated punishment. As a parent, you may feel great relief, sadness and gratitude for having your child return safely. Remember to affirm your love and care for him or her as a person. And remember, it is your responsibility to keep your teenager safe. What you should do as a parent: • Take threats to run away seriously. Listen to how they are feeling and what their problems are. Spend time trying to work out how things can be better for them. • Try to listen to their point of view before giving yours. Talk about things other than problems. • Try to find some middle ground where you can each ‘win' something. Don't leave them feeling totally powerless. • Don't dare them to run. It won't help to say things like, "Alright, go then, you'll be back soon enough". • Try spending some time apart. Arrange for them to stay with a close relative or friend you and they trust. This gives them space and you a chance to rethink what's happening and how to do things differently. • Talk about the problem, not the person. For example, rather than, "You are hopeless and irresponsible", you could say, "Wagging school is...". • Think about things differently. For example, instead of saying to yourself, "Why are they always making trouble?", say, "What can we do to make everyone in the family feel better".
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