Teaching Your Child Mutual Respect

Take responsibility for your own behavior: Whenever our children are behaving disrespectfully to us, it's useful to first think about what might have caused the behavior. Could we have contributed by treating them disrespectfully?

Unfortunately life isn't like a fairytale - there's no magic wand for creating instant transformations in children's attitudes. However, there's also no need to panic, because we can teach our children how to have respectful relationships. (Keep in mind that children aren't born knowing how to be respectful; it's something they need to learn.)

Respect is something that is earned and commanded. Unlike many of the other virtues we try to nurture in our kids that are mostly present from birth, respect is a bit more complicated. Respect is not only necessary when dealing well with others, but the virtue of self-respect is critical for kids to succeed and feel good about themselves and their choices throughout their lives. This is a growing crisis in our world today, resulting in increased violence and anti-social behaviour to an alarming degree. Many parents don't realize the level of disrespect the average child is subjected to daily.

One out of three parents call their kids belittling names and swore at them. Many of us can testify to this by what we hear everyday. Even if these statistics don't apply to your own home, kids are affected by many adults throughout their day, and they all have tremendous power to influence a child. Observing parents and other adults interact is a strong factor when kids are forming their foundations and understandings of how important respect is and how it is used.

There are several factors that can have a big impact on kids and their ability to be respectful. The first one to consider is manners. Calling adults by their surnames, setting proper examples during sporting events and while driving, and how we talk to each other in our homes all can have a tremendous affect on a child's concept of respect and how important it is. Many of these seemingly trivial ideas have become almost outdated, but one should seriously consider the value of these ideas before casting them aside. It is easy to become unconscious about these behaviours. Try to keep track of how often your child is subjected to this kind of disrespect.

The media, as you may have guessed, plays a large part in the increase in disrespect.

These factors and others all contribute to an alarming increase in disrespect in society. If we don't step in and change the course, we will find living in a morally respectful culture unlikely. This process can be greatly impacted for the better by treating our kids as though they are the most important person in the world, in reference to the level of respect we give them. Show them unconditional love and listen with your whole attention. Let your kids feel your love through your hugs, your words and your encouragement. Spend time together interacting. Eliminate disrespect by immediately calling attention to it, and if need be, have behaviours in place to discourage it further. Also use time outs for younger kids. Don't allow kids to socialize with family if they can't be respectful. Take away phone privileges or ground them.

Younger kids need more immediate consequences in order to fully understand the impact of their behaviour. Above all, the same rule applies. Reinforce your kids' positive and respectful behaviour and be clear about negating disrespect. Kids take their cues from all adults, so be sure you are setting the best possible standards.

Simple Rules For Your Child:

1. Child uses a respectful tone of voice
2. Child respects the privacy of others
3. Doesn't gossip or speak unkindly of others
4. Treats property with respect
5. Avoids disrespectful gestures around others
6. Uses manners regularly
7. Does not interrupt
8. Avoids swearing and obscene gestures

In the case of extreme disrespect, consider getting help to cope and modify behaviours.