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Tips for Parents of Teens
Make sure you as the parent are ready to hear ALL that your teen may tell you. The most common complaint among teenagers is that their parents don't really listen to what they say. Communicate openly. Remember not to start your talk with a teen in interrogations instead begin conversations. Offer your support in a non-judgmental way with questions such as, "You seem bothered by something, is there anything I can do to help?" Offer to listen, "Would you like to talk about something?" This way, you open that doorway for them without sounding as if you are accusing, which will only serve to have that door slammed right in your face. It is vital to open the doors of communication with your teen, so that they may come to you without fear. Be Patient! Your teen may not respond right away. It might take once, twice or thrice. It may take some time and coaxing to get him/her to open up and discuss their situation or feelings with you. Be patient and keep trying, letting him/her know that you care. Remember, just as this isn't easy for you, it isn't easy for them either. Validate and accept what your teen says. Being a teenager is not easy as so many troubles you face for the first time in your life. It is essential that you take your teen seriously, no matter what they may say. Their concerns and fears, whether warranted or not to you, are very real to them. Saying, "Well that's just silly, what are making such a big deal of this for?" will cause your teen to turn away and perhaps never reach out for your help again. Acknowledge their feelings with something like, "I can understand how you would feel that way." Take a moment and step out of your parental shoes and step into his/hers. How would you like someone to respond to you? Realize that you do not have total control and power over your teenager. Don't try to control every step your son/daughter do! According to the saying, where there is a will there is a way. If your response to your child's concern is to eliminate, to take away, to deny you may inadvertently cause your teen to rush full speed ahead into a potentially dangerous situation. However, even without iron clad control, you have something more powerful. You have influence. Through communicating and empowering your teen, you can help him/her to make the right decision. The key here is, you allowed them to make the decision, and you didn't make it for them. So, learn to be expressive in your own deeds. Set limits and boundaries together. Sit down together and come up with acceptable terms of usage. Especially in aspects of sexuality and relationships. Make sure that both you and your teen understand and agree to the rules. Be reasonable and remember, parents and teens are like apples and oranges, you may have to compromise but by doing so you are ensuring your child coming to you in the future. Not to mention the respect he/she will gain for you by including them in the decision making. Set up a safety plan Be sure you know the possible troubles that trouble your child. Together with your teen, determine a plan of action in case of...."insert your teen's problem here." Perhaps the troubles lay with relationship gone bad, an issue of stalking or harassment. Whatever the case may be, if there is the slightest indication of a need for a safety plan....make one! Get the Facts After learning what it is that your teen is struggling with, take the time to research and talk to others independently. Don't be afraid to reach out for a little help. For example in the internet you may find the words you need for any topic, any problem and chances are you will find answers, information, suggestions, letters from other parents and support forums. Be open to the new way of helping your teen. Understand a generation of thinking Remember that we live in a fast moving world with constantly changing situations. Times have changed and will continue to do so. Our best defense? Education and understanding. Step back for a moment and try to appreciate the challenges our teenagers face in today's society. Each generation has had its troubles. But let's face it, today's youth are stuck in the middle of a confusing, overwhelming, conflicting, fast-paced and downright frightening world. Parents play a vital role in giving teenagers the tools they need to be safe, to be smart, to be healthy. Remember what it was like to be 15. It's been awhile, no doubt. However take a moment and ask yourself that very question. What was it like to be 15? How did you feel? What were you thinking? Where and what did you learn about dating? Did you parents allow you to date? Then ask yourself if you ever experienced situations in your for example dating relationship that made you feel uneasy, confused and isolated. Did you ever wish that you could talk open and honestly with your parents, and find them assuming, accusing, before you were even able to ask for the help you needed, perhaps desperately needed? Parents today are confronted with a multitude of issues involving today's teens. In any given day, there are school reports to be given, science projects that fail at the last minute, athletic practices, play rehearsals and fierce competitions. Amidst that all, are the mood swings, the drama and crisis's that pop up daily.
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