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Your Teen Is Having A Baby
It may seem hard to believe that someone can have a child when you still consider them to be a child, but teen pregnancy does happen. It can be emotionally draining and very upsetting to find out that your teenager is pregnant. Most parents feel the urge to punish their teenager as they would punish a child. Some parents blame themselves or wonder where they went wrong. Others criticize their child and scapegoat the child's partner. Still other parents support their child emotionally as she struggles with and makes adult decisions. It doesn't help the situation much. Your teenager has some very important decisions to make, and it is best to set a mature example for them to follow. And although some parents are embarrassed by their teen's pregnancy and worried about how family, friends, and neighbors will react, others are happy over the news of a soon-to-be grandchild - especially if the teen is older and in a mature relationship. Many practical issues must be considered. Will your teen keep the baby or consider adoption? If she keeps it, will she raise the baby herself? Will she continue to go to school? Will the father be involved in the baby's life? Who will be financially responsible for the baby? The answers to these questions often depend on the support your teen receives. Some teens raise their child alone, some have the involvement of the baby's father, and some rely on their families for support. As a parent, you need to think about your own level of involvement and commitment and discuss it with your teen. As a parent, you can have a great impact on your teen's life and on her baby's. You may still wish that she had made different choices. But by supporting your teen, making sure she gets good prenatal care, and listening as she shares her fears and anxieties, both of you may find that you're better parents in the long run. Your child is probably terrified and is in need of some grown-up help. You can't turn back the clock and prevent the pregnancy from happening, so help your teen deal with the situation by providing support. Assist them in getting the information they need to make the right decision and offer emotional comfort. A Missed Period Perhaps your daughter has waited a bit longer to approach you. She has now missed her period and is wondering if she is pregnant. Resist the urge to panic. Buy her a home pregnancy test or take her to her health care provider to get tested. Remember that it is important to wait until she has actually missed her period before she performs a pregnancy test. If she gets tested too early, she may get an inaccurate result. Her Pregnancy Test is Negative If the test is negative, don't just sigh a breath of relief and pretend like the incident never occurred. Take the time to talk with your daughter about what happened. If she had unprotected sex, encourage her to be more responsible in her future sexual relations by using birth control. Positive Pregnancy Test If the test comes back with a positive result, then your daughter will have three options: become a parent, give the child up for adoption or have an abortion. It is important to explore these options with your daughter as soon as possible. Make sure she understands clearly what happens and has all the information available so that she can make an informed decision. Make an appointment for her with a health care provider or a sexual health counselor who can offer unbiased information and support. Perhaps your daughter has come to you a few months after the fact and is now well into her pregnancy. Talk with your teen to see if she has made a decision about what she'd like to do. If she seems unsure or undecided, talk with her about the choices she has and explore all the pros and cons. Depending how far along she is with her pregnancy, abortion may or may not be an option for her to consider. Most abortions are performed within the first 12 weeks of a pregnancy. It is important to remember, though, that just because you would like her to consider this option does not mean it is the right choice for her or vice versa. Son is Going to be a Father! If your son has impregnated a girl, and she has decided to keep the baby, teach him to be responsible and help out the mother financially and emotionally. Encourage your son to be involved in the girl's pregnancy and his child's life. Remember, this is your grandchild; you should also take a positive and proactive role in this pregnancy. Teen pregnancy is a very different situation for males than it is for females. That does not mean it is any less emotional for a male teen; however, he does not have as many decisions to make as a pregnant teen girl does. Teen boys who are going to become fathers also need the involvement of their parents. Although some boys may welcome the chance to be involved with their children, others feel frightened and guilty and may need to be encouraged to face their responsibilities. Open communication between you and your teen will help as you consider the future. Some More Advices For Those Having Pregnant Teens: How to Help Your Daughter • Be clear about the support you are willing and able to offer. • Give helpful advice only when asked. • Discuss options with her, if she wants you to. She may be trying to sort out her feelings on adoption, single parenting, marrying the baby's dad, or termination of the pregnancy and need someone to act as a sounding board. • Remember whose baby it is. You had your child. This is your daughter's child. • Do not treat your daughter as a child. She has made adult choices. Allow her adult responsibilities and consequences. • Be there for her - regardless of her decisions. Let her know that even though you may not agree with her choices, you still love her. • Don't criticize and judge her. She's probably doing enough of that to herself already. • Don't tell her "I know how you feel" unless you've been in her shoes. • Help her arrange for medical coverage. Many insurance plans will not cover a child's pregnancy. • Help her contact support services. Your state or county social services can offer assistance for housing, food stamps, health care, parenting training, and more. • Offer to help her check out schooling options. Many schools offer adapted programs (including tutoring) for pregnant teens and teen moms. Or, she may be interested in an alternative schooling program, home schooling, or a GED. • Offer help only when it's needed, and even then, don't assume your help is always wanted. • Find a friend who can encourage you. If Your Child Is the Father • Be clear about the support you are willing and able to offer. • Give helpful advice only when asked. • Discuss options with him and the baby's mother, if they want you to. They may be trying to sort out their feelings on adoption, single parenting, getting married, or terminating the pregnancy, and need someone to act as a sounding board. • Remember whose baby it is. You had your child. This is your son's child. • Do not treat your son as a child. He made adult choices. Allow him adult responsibilities and consequences. • Don't criticize or judge. • Let him know that even though you may not agree with his choices, you still love him. • Encourage him to take financial responsibility. • Help him be a dad, not just a sperm donor.
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