Is Sex on Demand Ruling Your Life?
Unless you've dabbled in prostitution, the concept of sex on demand is probably foreign to you. What exactly is sex on demand? It's sex with a sole purpose ‑- making a baby.
If you haven't started trying to conceive you probably have no idea what we're talking about. But, if you are trying to get pregnant and it's taking a little longer than you thought, you know exactly what we mean when we say sex on demand.
Under normal circumstances, there is a dance of seduction that happens between most couples, which may include back massages, candlelit dinners or long intimate conversations. For most women, sexual intercourse is the big dip at the end of the tango and is the ultimate culmination of both a physical and an emotional connection with her husband.
Sex on demand is a whole new ballgame. Your sweet flirty self has been replaced with a woman who yells, "It's time" as a signal to begin amorous relations when she is ovulating. All of a sudden, the emotional connection that was so crucial in the past is completely disregarded. Unfortunately, ovulation sex is all about the physical result. As your husband is cozying up, you may be so bold as to tell him to skip the previews and get right to the main attraction.
Foreplay Is for Rookies
While your husband may be initially attracted to the aggressive new you, over time your pit-crew mentality ‑- in-and-out service in less than 10 minutes ‑- may start to wear thin. You may be surprised when you start to sense some reluctance as you call his services into action. Since when did sex have to be special for him? In your pre-ovulation days, your husband could have one leg caught in a bear trap and yet would somehow manage to have sex if you showed even the slightest interest. Getting in the mood was an oxymoron ‑- was there ever a time when he wasn't in the mood?
Now the roles have reversed ‑- he is the sensitive one and you are the one who wants sex for sex. This sudden shift in the relationship is sure to leave both parties feeling a little off balance and can have dire consequences on your relationship if ignored. Your husband may start to feel like you are using him for one purpose and one purpose only ‑- to make a deposit in your joint account. As his enthusiasm wanes, you are likely to get more and more annoyed as your mind can only process one thing during your fertile days, "ovulation + sex = BABY!" This vicious monthly cycle is sure to lead to some bad bedroom behavior if you don't take the time to consider both of your feelings. So, before you flip the calendar and map out next month's ovulation plan, take a few minutes to consider these tips to managing the inevitable... sex on demand.
Sure the rules have changed just when the stakes are highest, but these simple steps should help ease the tension between you and your husband when it matters most.
1) Be aware of what sets you off. What brings out your bad behavior? Is it the pressure you feel when your ovulation stick tells you it's time? Is it the hope that this will be the month? The fear that it may never happen? Whatever it is, be honest with yourself, and your husband. Just talking through your feelings will go a long way toward turning down the tension.
2) Make time for "date night" and "debate night." Odds are you and your husband may not be on the same page when it comes to ovulation chitchat. While you may feel like he never talks about your efforts, he may feel like it's all you ever want to talk about (that's why he's from Mars and you're from Venus). Set aside one night each week to talk about your pregnancy progress. Get away from the daily interruptions and really dedicate time to talk through your issues. But, don't forget you have a whole life outside of baby making, so make sure you also set up a "date night" where you can talk about anything but your plans for pregnancy. This will help you reconnect as a couple and remind you why you wanted to have his children in the first place.
3) Make room for romance. Yes, there will always be a higher agenda for your bedroom activity when you are ovulating, but don't lose sight of romance. Would it really hurt to light a few candles and play some soft music? A little effort can go a long way.
4) Pamper yourself. Tracking your ovulation is stressful. Sex on demand is stressful. The whole process of trying to have a baby is stressful. Why fight it? Just acknowledge it and do everything you can to help ease the tension around "that time of the month." Schedule a massage, book a manicure, grab your girlfriends and catch the latest chick flick. Do anything that allows your mind and body to relax.
5) Kindness is contagious. Whether he shows it or not, the longer it takes to conceive, the more pressure your husband is going to feel around each month's attempt. Rather than barking commands with the sensitivity of a drill sergeant, why not try a whisper? Leave chocolates on his pillow with a note telling him how sweet a father he will be, or send a flirtatious email scheduling some one-on-one time for later that night. Kindness is contagious. Before you know it, your lethargic husband will not only know when you ovulate, he'll bring flowers home to celebrate.
The pressures of sex on demand will never fully go away ‑- that is, until you see two pink lines on a pregnancy stick. And since sex will always be part of the equation, whether it's spontaneous or on demand, try to enjoy the process without losing sight of your goal. You're trying to have a baby.